Random Bits and Pieces of Nothing

Just really sad right now.

I’m really tired of living at home. My dad is redecorating our house and has gone on a “throw everything out!” spree, except what he means is “throw all your possessions away because I’d rather have room for another TV.” 

The main things I own are 2 boxes of souvenirs from vacations, my personal journals, old writing projects from school (from high school through undergrad), and 2300 books. All I want is enough shelf space for my books - I had 4 medium-sized shelves, which were holding everything, albeit double- and triple-stacked. We just got rid of a piano and old furniture, and if I could have one wall of one room in our house for shelving, I’d have enough space.

But my dad wants to put another couch in there and buy TVs, and in fact wants to make me get rid of all of the bookshelves I currently own and throw away all of the books I own - not even put them in storage or down the basement or in the attic, but just throw them away. And the same for my souvenirs, because “they’re just junk,” and for my school projects, because “who cares about them, you have a degree and you’re never going to look at them again anyway.” 

I love my books. Outside of the things that exist on my computer - the things I’ve written and my music library - my books are the one solid thing I own, something I’ve really wanted to take with me when I move out so that I could set up a nice library room in a house when I eventually have a job and a place of my own. Like, when I envision a home of my own, I don’t envision a giant theater or a game room or a really nice kitchen, I envision a library room with a Persian-style rug, wall-to-wall bookshelves, and a big comfy chair and maybe a chaise lounger to sprawl out on and a little corner desk from IKEA for my laptop. That is my home, a place that’s full of books, with a little bit of space to display the knickknacks that are in those boxes and the posters I don’t have room to put up.

And, while I don’t plan on acquiring any more physical books now that I have a Nook, I need some paper books - not only do I like them, but I simply can’t afford to replace the books I’ve already invested in. To replace everything in my library with e-book versions would cost something like $23,000, assuming $9.99 per book, and some aren’t available as e-books. I don’t have $23,000, and probably will never have $23,000 to reconstruct a library I already own, especially given that there are always going to be other books to be bought, and other expenses.

I’ve already given away 8 boxes of books, and he doesn’t care. I have to box all my books up because we’re getting new carpet, but I’m afraid I’m going to wake up one morning to find out that he’s pitched everything into the trash, or driven it to the library and dropped it off, or poured water on it and chucked it to the curb so I can’t keep them. 

I don’t know what I can do. I’m trying to see if I can stash a couple boxes in my grandparents’ basement, but he’ll freak out and yell at me if he finds out I’m keeping them - he doesn’t understand about wanting to have books to re-read them, he says that keeping books to re-read them is as bad as being a crazy hoarder (but it’s okay if it’s a Nook, somehow, because the files are tiny.) I mean, clearly, it’s not about the “hoarding,” it’s “your books take up space and I think they’re ugly and don’t understand why anyone would read a book twice.” Because seriously, that’s his attitude towards books - buy a used copy, read it once, throw it out or donate it to the library. He doesn’t get re-reading books for pleasure, and he won’t listen or even try to understand, he just gets mad and starts swearing at me and says “It’s going to take 40 boxes to pack all this shit up! It’s fucking ridiculous.” 

It’s just not fair. He won’t go through any of his stuff and throw it away because, according to him, his stuff is important - his stuff gets to take up the garage, the basement, the large bedroom, all of the linen closets, and is probably going to move into the small bedroom where I have my bookshelves if he ends up throwing my books away. And if I ask why I can’t have any shelving, it’s because it’s his house - and yeah, it is, but it’s not like I haven’t lived here for 25 years too (and had possession of that same room for the whole time - before it was a library, it had a freaking plastic stove and fridge and tea set), and he’s devaluing my mom’s stuff too - he already threw away her hand-crocheted snowflakes that we’ve always put in the windows and some of the little things she’s bought at craft shows over the years, and he tried to throw away her crochet patterns and the handmade afghans she’s knitted before she found out and stopped him.

It’s not even like I’d be living at home if I had a choice - and he’s the one telling me I should live at home for a year or two after I get a job so I can save up more money, which would make sense, but not if I can’t have a wall of bookshelves and a place to stack a couple comic book boxes full of souvenirs and if everything I love is just going to be constantly devalued because “books are just clutter” and he wants a 3rd TV that he’s never actually going to use because you can only watch one fucking TV at a time.

All I want is to keep my books. I just wish I could have one wall of the living room to put up adequate shelving space, floor to ceiling shelves from IKEA, and that would be enough room for all of the physical books I am ever going to own. And literally every time I turn around I’m getting called “fucking stupid” for wanting to keep my books.

If such an exchange existed, I’d gladly trade all of my books for NOOK books at this point - ship them back to B&N or somebody in exchange for an e-Book copy, because then I could have my books and he wouldn’t complain. But there’s no way in hell I could ever afford it.

I offered to pay for a storage locker with the remainder of my bank account, but he yells at me and says “I’m not wasting money on stupid shit like storing books.” I suggested a bunch of different places to put the shelving - but he wants to take away even the shelves I have right now. And he’s saying right now that he won’t even store them in our basement, because “they’ll be there forever and probably just get ruined when the basement floods,” even though all his stuff is down there and there would still be plenty of room (even though I would be worried about flooding - the stuff he keeps in storage down there is all in neat plastic containers or well off the floor, while my books are all in cardboard boxes, because I could get those for free from the grocery store.) 

I just want one fucking room that I can call my own. (My bedroom is big enough for the bed, nightstand, and dresser - that’s really it. And apparently whenever I put my boxes of souvenirs and school stuff in the bottom of the closet, it “looks too messy” and I should do something else with it.) Really, I just want to be able to keep my books, and I’m afraid something’s going to happen to them and I’m not going to be able to do anything about it.

  1. abbyforth said: =( Do you have any friends who live nearby? Maybe break up what you have and ask everyone to store a box or two? I’ve stored books for friends in similar situations. If anyone has enough space, they might be happy to help!
  2. tearofthemoon said: I think you should stash them in your grandparents’ basement, because even if he finds out, if your grandparents are on your side, maybe they can also try to convince him. good luck and I really hope you won’t wake up to find out your books are gone!
  3. housecreepy said: TBH, and I don’t mean to offend, this behavior of his sounds abusive to me. I would rent the storage space on the sly and stash what I can w/friends. I feel you. I have thousands of books, stacked all over my place, and I love them all.
  4. thebastardofgloucester said: ugh no books are special things. could you rent a storage space or something if all else fails?
  5. mosymoseys said: Oh no no no that’s terrible! If you could ship them all to me, I’d happily stash them in my parents’ basement for you, but that’s probably not reasonable for you and other than that I don’t know how to help. :-(
  6. ghost-plot said: I’ve had to start storing my valuables under my bed and I cleaned out some dresser drawrs for books. maybe you can do that for a start? I wish your dad would just accept what your books and collections mean to you. I’m sorry you have to deal with it.
  7. bronzedragon posted this